Quick fixes and a lil A/C

Do you remember the time when you wanted to date (aka hold hands) with the one kid in middle school who had a pool. Because, in the summer, whats better than having a playdate in luxary after school. Well Im 29 and sometimes an old gal just needs a pool. John2 turned out to be a bust. He was super nice the first two dates then got a little sketchy. Typical guy. He did this because he wasnt really sure he wanted to date me, and when he figured out he wouldnt ever marry me, but didnt dislike me enough to stop calling, he became vague but didnt quite fade away. Its taken me a long time (and many sad, sad blogs) to realize that with every relationship that doesnt work out, it isnt always the sum of the parts but the whole thats at fault. Now to me, this was a profound thought. Just because two people shouldnt be together didnt mean that either one of them had something horrifically wrong with them. Yeah, maybe Im not a super model or a rocket scientist, but that doesnt make me ugly or stupid. So at 29 I embarked on my first plain old FB relationship. It was empowering if not gratifying... but Ill get to that. I also recently got into a bar fight... no punches were thrown, but a lot of ugly words and mostly my way. It was really random but a kid came into a bar, was flirting with my married friend, who then mentioned I was a doctor. He asked what kind of a doctor and when I told him he laughed and said "oh, not a real doctor". I would be lying if I said that didnt tick me off a bit, but in optometry we get that rather often. My first two years were the same as my best friend who is an OB/GYN. She actually asked me for tutoring in Anatomy and Physiology (Ive dissected multiple cadavers - Im that good). Now, I dont know how to deliver a baby, I am really horrible with psych stuff, and I am most certain I couldnt perform open heart surgery... but I know a lot. I did my residency in Oc Disease (which is basically whole body shit seen in the eyes). Eyeballs dont walk into my office, people do. So words were thrown, I didnt bite back but finally had to ask the kid to leave since I didnt appreciate the conversation. This was a low point for me. I like to pretend Im pretty classy. I started writing this post in June. It is now September and my have the tides changed. I thought I was being mature for replacing sex with intimacy. This was a record breaking summer for 90 degree nights. Im not saying I regret the A/C, because I certainly do not. However, it is 930pm and I left work for a bottle of wine to cry about the end of an era. I spent this summer in limbo from dating. I just didnt want to deal with the hassel. No one seemed interested, and I seemed more interested in my tan. Work was the same - actually starting to get boring to go to. September crept into existence overnight. Literally, it went from 100 degree beach days to 70 degrees and me contimplating wearing boots. The influx of kids came too, lots of exams, simple mostly. Ive had a few neuro cases, but even they werent too difficult to figure out. The most exciting thing Ive had all week was an anterior uveitis. It isnt exciting, but the elderly woman came into my clinic for a red eye of one week. She had seen a primary care doctor that put her on Cephlexin 500mg BID. That is a fairly strong antibiotic. SHe did not in any way shape or form have an eye infection. It was inflammation. I saw her today for a follow up - basically all resolved. I got the hug and now get to write a nice letter saying stop being fucking dumb asses - send eye cases to eye doctors you stupid health center internists. Not bitter to say the least, nor self-righteous for that matter. A little far fetched of a segway, but as annoyed as I was, I was throwing an oral antibiotic and my own inflammation. I went for the quick fix. Sadly, I knew it the whole time. It took one friend who met John2 to say "Im pretty dissappointed that was who has had you hung up this whole time" My BFF, who is male, also thoroughly yelled at me in childlike fashion until I shed a tear into my Gin and Tonic. Ok, I get it. So I bolstered myself up, speech recited over and over again to end it. I texted to ask for a mid-week romp. (Old habits die hard) When I got there we talked. We always hung out for hours beforehand. We got along pretty easily, like old friends. No, it didnt make sense. I finally said I thought this should be it. He agreed and added so kindly, "I actually really liked you". We decended to the bedroom where it was always fun- at least there was that. True to form, I couldnt help but ask, if we both actually liked eachother, why couldnt this work? Shouldnt we try again? He said he really did like me, but we had nothing in common and it wouldnt pan out in the long run. Its true, he is older and probably knows best, but I am a type A personality. If something isnt working, I work harder so that it does. I very rarely put something down that doesn't have some plausability. I was hurt, I was having fun and I was hurting at the same time. My plan had backfired and I had become a girl and not just a vagina. Its not a role I assume easily. At that moment, I felt there was so little of what I was sure of. That is probably the sole reason I love my job. It has been the only thing in life I say I was good at. Thats not entirely the best way to describe it. Its that I always felt so sure. I have gut feelings about everything and they are 99% right. I read a case history and I am already 10 steps ahead. I still think its crazy myself, but Im proud. I do good work. And now I was so unsure. I wanted to hate him. I think I said it outloud. Although I knew I didnt hate him. I hated myself for letting someone else decide how I felt. And I layed there under his weight. He was so heavy. He wanted me to leave but he didnt move. My head was turned, my eyes open. He joked that I was craning to hear the TV in the other room. I said no, but what I was thinking of was the weight upon my chest and how could I possibly leave now with any amount of dignity.

One day your prince will come... Is a crock of poo

So a few months ago a young woman came into my office... Naturally this was 5 pm on a Friday. She had a significant decrease in vision in her right eye and was seeing floaters. She described this as a 3D blob of blood. Naturally I was excited for the sci-fi aspect of this case. I dilated and waited with breath baited. Sure enough her left eye was beautiful, flat and intact retina. The right eye was something else. There were five boat hemes. We call them boats because the blood leaks out in pockets and due to gravity levels off inferior making tiny little sailboats... Of course this is completely not natural and I rushed her to the ER.

We all know I have a penchant for sailors... Im not sure if it's the fact that they generally wear collared shirts, have a tan, and are charming republicans... But I'm hooked. Match has been decent to me lately, not really too many funny stories.... I started dating a boy who I will call john1... He was tall, dark, and cute (not quite handsome). He was nice, we had a good time chatting when out. I was attracted to him, but in general there wasn't much there. I was never excited to hang out with him. I actually didn't even give up gym time to make a date... Needless to say one day while sitting on the cliff walk reading a book, I decided I was much happier there than rushing home for dinner with John 1 so I ended it... I had been waiting out for John 2, another guy on Match. He was older, very cute, had a good job, was a sailor. He had a similar background to me... I wanted to see what was up... So I waited and waited and finally we went out. I had a great time, I felt like we clicked instantly. In the mean time I started reading a wonderful and wonderfully depressing book " Marry Him: the case for settling for Mr. good enough" it basically chronicles a 40 something woman's struggle with trying to find a mate. Although I am no where near forty, I thought there might be some advice to head. So we all grow up wanting prince charming. Our lists of male qualities usually include, attractive, smart, witty, stable, fun, adventurous... It's Eric, Phillip, Adam, John smith... The Disney prince characters . However, as the book quite sullenly points out - who wants to actually walk around in a glass slipper? For the 21st century working woman, wouldn't you prefer a more comfortable shoe?

My patient returned, no word from the hospital, mild resolution of the hemmorhaging in the back of her eye. I followed up with her several times, called the hospital angrily multiple times... They were getting no where and I had to admit I had no idea of the cause myself. I was angry and frustrated. The boat Hermes turned yellowish white with old blood that failed to resorb. She had a vitritis in there too that caused pain and I did my best to alleviate it...

So I went on a second date with John2 .. Again, I had a great time. He was so... Charming.... He is a great kisser and we left it with we hoped to see more of each other. That was five days ago. I think this boat may have sailed as well. It was only two dates, so I can't be upset, however, I feel a little bit like that old yellowed coagulated blood of a former boat heme... I wanted to wear that glass slipper anyway.

I Ill keep following that patient in hopes to find a cause and possible treatment for her rare condition.however, I'm back in real slippers, the soft comfy kind... I'm finishing up that depressive and realistic book. It reminds us all that men usually end up fat and bald, so why be so judgmental now?

moldy tortilla dungeons and dragons

Ahhh so I havent been so good at this blogging thing... I apologize dear friends... Life has been good and bad and fun and interesting... and so Ill give you some highlights...

Recently I became an Aunt. I never knew I could love something so tiny in an instant. He is a beautiful little boy that sleeps well and makes a killer Blue Steel look. He is adorable and I am only sad that he and my sister live so far away. My sister is my best friend. We are so close, you can imagine how hurt I was to be told I wasnt the godmother... I wasnt going to complain, but one of the reasons behind it? Because I am single - who would the godfather be? (I cried for 3 days)

So, big surprise - still single! I have been working a lot more which has been good. With it, I have decided to get back out there on the dating seen. I signed up again for an online dating site. Ive browed around and waited a while for some guys to message me... certainly have gotten some winners - my last message was from a guy who wrote "you probably wouldnt date me... but I have something for you if you let me give it to you" Im not only totally grossed out, but freaked out that this is what is out there... so when I stumbled upon a guy who was not only cute, a fellow doc, but was a scuba diver, I was excited... He built his computer too - which totally reminded me of my old roomate J. Living with a boy was great - all I had to do is cook for him and he would kill all the mice and we would spend every Sunday drinking beer, eating pizza and watching football. It was great and I totally had a crush on him... unfortunately he has the worst girlfriend ever and nothing ever came of it... Weve lost touch and I miss him a bit, so was excited to date his replacement...

Side note, earlier this week I went to book club. Yes, Im a bit of a nerd and more importantly a girl who likes her wine. We of course discussed the book for all of ten minutes, since only three of us even read it... At the table were two single gals, two married and an engaged lovely lady. As a single gal, I constantly feel bad about being alone. Not because I dont actually really love my alone time and not having someone tell me what to do, but because there is this giant stigma around it. Anyways, one of the married girls chimed in saying married life aint that grand. She had recently spent the holiday going between her and her husbands families houses. She was tired of driving, didnt get much sleep and came home to a house with an empty fridge. She and her husband were starving and decided to make dinner out of the potatoes, eggs and tortillas they had. The tortillas were old and her husband went through each one until he found one without any mold. He gave it to her. As she told this story, the ending connotated that that was all you had to look forward to...

So, I emailed the only guy I thought I could get along with and met up with him tonight. After all, Im single and part of a book club - Im kind of a dork and a bit of a loser. He was cute and was certainly nice... but after the conversation got to the time he spent in his basement playing dungeons and dragons or the raves he has been too - I realized this is not the guy. He was nice though, the date wasnt at all unpleasent. Although he said he really doesnt drink, and I may be lame but I am a happy alcoholic and that will just not fly. I just want to meet a guy thats fun and smart but also knows how to fix things and likes sports and beer... too much to ask?
I left the date saying I had fun, but lets call it a night because I was tired (aka I was tired of smiling and certainly running out of things to ask).

But onwards and upwards... one day there will be a godfather and I very much so hope he is kind enough to give me the one tortilla sans mold...

a little bit of chaos, and a lot of silly fun

So I haven't written in a bit... and I thought I would get back to it. Life has been a bit chaotic. I moved from the coast to the city which has been a good and bad change. I miss the beach, but I am really close to work. I have to say, sleeping in in the morning has been rather nice!

At work, we are expanding. We bought the otherside of our building, added 4 more lanes, 3 pretest rooms, a contact lens room, and expanded our gallery. The place is really amazing. It looks kind of fancy. We have been working at the same pace, well actually added a doc per day, during all the construction. Its a bit insane. I have been running between room to room and ducking dry wall. The patients have been cool with it too. Althought, Ive had some real interesting ones. I had a follow up of a woman with Type II DM (non-insulin) that I had referred out for an Avastin injection due to CSME. She came back, almost completely resolved and back to 20/20-1. I was happy and she was apparently happy. She went on for about 5 minutes about how great she thought I was. I was her favourite doctor, I was so nice, I was so pretty. But I was a little fat. No joke - this woman called me Gorda three times. I sometimes think my spanish speaking patients dont think I know what they are saying. But that rang loud and clear. I am not gonna lie - I was shocked. I mean, I am a little fat. I have been dealing with weight issues my whole life, but Im no where near obese. But thats not the point - who would ever go to her doctor and say hey your great but you should get to a gym. I was offended, but I still made a follow up for her.

After that patient, I ran home packed up my car and headed to the AAO conference. This is a big conference for optometrists that centered around academics. I think this is the most prestigious of all our gatherings, because its based on education, posters, publications.Most people go to learn or better themselves. This year I was really happy to go to see all my friends, but petrified, because I was dumb enough to apply to become a fellow of the academy. It isnt all too arduous, but I had to submit posters an papers and at the conference sit for an oral board exam.

You may recall my many posts about my cactus. It died pre-move and is no longer with me, but that is not my point. A while back, I was at work looking around the docs room and noticing everyone had pictures of their children on their desk. I had nothing but that cactus, and even I thought it would be a little pathetic to put a picture of it on my wall. So I stooped even lower, and cut a picture out of one of our optometry magazines of the only hot guy that presents/publishes a lot. I have joked for about a year about this fake boyfriend. He is very good looking, smart, and well known in the optometry community. I wouldnt mind actually having some of his babies.... ANYWAY, I spent the day on Friday studying for my exam. I was so nervous. I go to the exam area. I wait for my name to be called. I walk down an endless hallway to my exam room. I am sitting in a chair opposite three chairs with two docs sitting down. We are just waiting for the third, one doc says. The door opens and who walks through the door? My fake boyfriend. I just about died. I was so nervous to begin with and now Im thinking he knows Ive had his pic on my desk for a year pretending to not be a complete loser. Worst of all? He is even more handsome in person. AND NICE! Damnit. The exam went horribly in my mind, but I passed and now can add letters at the end of my name. I am excited, it was a lot of work put into it. But I kind of wish I couldnt changed my last name to his altogether HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am such a girl.

Back to work on Monday, back to the chaos... and now that we moved into a bigger office, Ive got to find a new fake boyfriend to put on my desk... who knows, maybe Ill find a real one... but I gotta hit a gym first, since this gorda thing isnt gonna help the process hehe

Why him and not her?

Only the good die young.. Was Billy Joel right? I'm not sure... I've been to my fair share of funerals, those of which were friends my age... But that's way to morbid for this blog. I think the point is why do bad things happen to good people.... Or really what I want to know why don't bad things happen to not so good people? Hehe am I horrible? Think back to your exes.. You broke up them for a reason. But why do they always seem to be in the back of your mind?

Today was a rough day at work. I should not have worn heels. I had 48 pts scheduled and most people showed up. I had quite a few whoa is me pts. They seriously tic me off. The are almost always 50+ women who come in groaning and continue to the entire exam like they have a knife in their leg and no one will take it out. And when you check them out there is nothing wrong with them. If anything they have a little dry eye... Get over it and use some warm compresses and artificial tears....

Then the happy go lucky kid come in, only 8 years old. Seems super nice but keep kicking me under the chair. His actions are a little spasmodic so I asked the mom a few questions. It turns out he has generalized dystonia - so his muscles involuntarily move in awkward actions. At one point his head got stuck to the side. His speach was slurred and often had a bit of a stutter. At the end of this exam his mom was trying to get him out the door and he waas pulling back and what he was trying to say was hug. He reached out and gave me a bear hug. Why does someone like that have to have a horrible neurodegenerative disease?

So in Facebook stalking tonight after work, I looked at an old friend pictures and happened across a picture of an ex with the same girl. She has lasted the year where I did not. He wasn't a bad guy, and I liked him a lot . But he didn't like me, and the way he treated me was not very nice.. Yet I seem to keep forgetting that when thinking of and missing him. I guess this isn't a good comparison, because I wouldn't want him to be unhappy... But why couldn't he be single and miserable for a change.. I'm a little tired of taking that role

Are you an adult or are you a childrens?

So, I just spent a lovely evening with my lady co-workers and their kids. They are two amazing women in their early thirties who co-manage the wife, mother and doctor part of their lives so seemlessly that they make me want to puke as much as I adore them. They are everything I want to be and more. Their kids are adorable and say the funniest things.

I spent the day at work with one of them (who works mornings), it was slow and I only saw about 20 maybe 25 patients all day. Unfortunately 15 of which showed up from 430-5. All in all, not a bad day. I even had quite a few kids since the peds doc was out in Vegas. My last patient, a five year old cutie was a simple exam. One transformer sticker and he was all mine. Cooperation occurs with a two cent piece of sticky picture- I wish I was as enthused about the little things in life. I wrap up the exam and go screaming across town to meet up for dinner.

I get there and unfortunately did not bring anything. My attempt at Pate a Choux in a downpour did not work because of the humidity. I was taken in nonetheless and set about to simultaniously playing cars with two three year olds and a 9 monther and discussing fashion with the sequin studded five year old. The two moms were in the kitchen hammering out dinner and I sat my lazy ass down and played. I felt pretty guilty, but figured I was also watching the kids a bit - that had to count for something...

We have a wonderful dinner, the kids are great.. we are cleaning up after a dessert of berries and cream when the five year old asks "who do you live with?". I reply by myself. "what? by yourself??" Yeah, it doesnt make any sense to a child. I am alone. No husband, no kids of my own... and it reminds me of a story a friend once told. She is 30 and the much younger sibling in a large family. Her brothers all have kids and one asks quite bluntly " Auntie Katie, are you an adult or are you a childrens??" I am not so sure I know myself. Although I am much closer in age to the thirtysomething powerhouse friends, I am probably as responsable as the five year old. Im not sure if its slightly pathetic... but all in all most certainly funny... I had a great night playing, would gladly do it again... but am kinda comforted knowing I get to give the kids back at bedtime and head home to my house alone with peace and quiet... one day... fingers crossed but not to tightly... one day

Summer in review

So, it's been a while... Not because nothing has happened, but because so much has been going on I haven't had time to write... But it is rainy, my flats are soaked through and I'm stuck at work anyway...

So, my life seemed to finally be on track this summer... It was the summer of my early twenties that I missed because I was in school dutifully studying to become the amazing optometrist I am today... Haha gross exaggeration, every day I don't get fired is a good day! I went to a psychic around May who was pretty spot on about a lot of things and most importantly told me to enjoy the summer, three to five men would be coming into my life. One of them named Bob.

So the weather got nicer and I ran into more and more people out and about. I become pretty good friends with this one girl, we will call Miranda. She was crazy and fun and through her I met a lot of people. It was nice, I finally felt like I belonged. One night when we were out at a bar a couple of her friends joined us- one had a girlfriend who was amazing and was happy to make their acquaintance. The other was a 6'5" tall drink of water... He was prince charming in every sense. So nice, so respectful, just such nice person. I was in like the moment I met him. He, however waas a few years younger and split his time between Oregon and Spain. He invited us all back to his house after the bar and as we pulled up to it, I got out and almost panicked... It was a a 37 bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean. This really was prince charming... We had a great night and he left after the weekend to be home for the fourth of July. I was thankfully invited to his big party that weekend that s at their othernocean estate... It was fun, but I knew hardly anyone, drank way too much, and barely spoke two words to the prince. I was distraught. Especially as his cousin so uninvitingly put the moves on me. My world was over.

A few weeks went by, I got over it in true mermaid fashion. Hung out with friends, drank too much, played a lot of trivia... Life was good again. Until at an after party after polo I was manhandled by what I thought waas another friend and then kicked out of his house for refusing to sleep with him. Thinking back to the psychic, she did say these guys were going to throw themselves at me... I should've paid more attention. Anyways, that situation got cleared up and the rest of the summer was pretty good...

Until I met Bob. Well, his name wasn't really bob, but it started with a B so I'll assume it is who she was referring to. He was tall and cute but young again and an almost ginger... I'm not sure I have posted on this before, but I have a serious fear of gingers. He was nice and funny and I though nothing of it... He was the cousins friend and fun to hang out with. So we hung out.. I took him to a concert downtown, we had beers, it was fun... We made out a bit, I felt like I was 21 again.... And he went Mia... Then he came back and I suggested drinks, he asked to take me to dinner... We had a good meal and headed to the bar for drinks and darts... I made out with him in the bar, in early twenties fashion. He held my hand and opened the car door... And dropped me off. WTF? I'm reliving my twenties here... He is a lot of fun, but ginger is a make or break, I don't expect this to go very far... But the night ended anyway, so I went to bed alone. He left for a week in NoLa and returned for Irene... He picked me up and we drove around town looking for destruction... Other than a power outage, not much had happened... He chopped down some downed trees and moved them out of the road -very manly for a ginger. I was still intrigued... We went back to my place for drinks and then his room ate got a generator and he left... Again what the heck is going on? I had given up on prince charming, I was just looking for a little fun... And it's nice when you can have fun with someone you actually really like to be around... Maybe I'm a jaded, but I was going for drinks, I'm pretty sure he had the same thing in mind... Then why do nice things? I feel like I speak "guy" as well as I speak Spanish. Which is pretty piss poor at best. Bob has since gone Mia... It's sad, but Im not heartbroken, just bored....
I've moved to the mainland, to the ghettos of the city. I am alone but still working hard... And somewhat hopeful. The psychic said nothing of the fall, so I guess I'm on my own for that one... But I hope it all works out in the end... Maybe I'll meet the real Bob. Maybe I'll learn Spanish... I'll leave this year to be a year of maybes

Keep your fingers crossed for funny patients and even funnier boy stories! This post was lame and for that I apologize