Ahhh so I havent been so good at this blogging thing... I apologize dear friends... Life has been good and bad and fun and interesting... and so Ill give you some highlights...
Recently I became an Aunt. I never knew I could love something so tiny in an instant. He is a beautiful little boy that sleeps well and makes a killer Blue Steel look. He is adorable and I am only sad that he and my sister live so far away. My sister is my best friend. We are so close, you can imagine how hurt I was to be told I wasnt the godmother... I wasnt going to complain, but one of the reasons behind it? Because I am single - who would the godfather be? (I cried for 3 days)
So, big surprise - still single! I have been working a lot more which has been good. With it, I have decided to get back out there on the dating seen. I signed up again for an online dating site. Ive browed around and waited a while for some guys to message me... certainly have gotten some winners - my last message was from a guy who wrote "you probably wouldnt date me... but I have something for you if you let me give it to you" Im not only totally grossed out, but freaked out that this is what is out there... so when I stumbled upon a guy who was not only cute, a fellow doc, but was a scuba diver, I was excited... He built his computer too - which totally reminded me of my old roomate J. Living with a boy was great - all I had to do is cook for him and he would kill all the mice and we would spend every Sunday drinking beer, eating pizza and watching football. It was great and I totally had a crush on him... unfortunately he has the worst girlfriend ever and nothing ever came of it... Weve lost touch and I miss him a bit, so was excited to date his replacement...
Side note, earlier this week I went to book club. Yes, Im a bit of a nerd and more importantly a girl who likes her wine. We of course discussed the book for all of ten minutes, since only three of us even read it... At the table were two single gals, two married and an engaged lovely lady. As a single gal, I constantly feel bad about being alone. Not because I dont actually really love my alone time and not having someone tell me what to do, but because there is this giant stigma around it. Anyways, one of the married girls chimed in saying married life aint that grand. She had recently spent the holiday going between her and her husbands families houses. She was tired of driving, didnt get much sleep and came home to a house with an empty fridge. She and her husband were starving and decided to make dinner out of the potatoes, eggs and tortillas they had. The tortillas were old and her husband went through each one until he found one without any mold. He gave it to her. As she told this story, the ending connotated that that was all you had to look forward to...
So, I emailed the only guy I thought I could get along with and met up with him tonight. After all, Im single and part of a book club - Im kind of a dork and a bit of a loser. He was cute and was certainly nice... but after the conversation got to the time he spent in his basement playing dungeons and dragons or the raves he has been too - I realized this is not the guy. He was nice though, the date wasnt at all unpleasent. Although he said he really doesnt drink, and I may be lame but I am a happy alcoholic and that will just not fly. I just want to meet a guy thats fun and smart but also knows how to fix things and likes sports and beer... too much to ask?
I left the date saying I had fun, but lets call it a night because I was tired (aka I was tired of smiling and certainly running out of things to ask).
But onwards and upwards... one day there will be a godfather and I very much so hope he is kind enough to give me the one tortilla sans mold...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
a little bit of chaos, and a lot of silly fun
So I haven't written in a bit... and I thought I would get back to it. Life has been a bit chaotic. I moved from the coast to the city which has been a good and bad change. I miss the beach, but I am really close to work. I have to say, sleeping in in the morning has been rather nice!
At work, we are expanding. We bought the otherside of our building, added 4 more lanes, 3 pretest rooms, a contact lens room, and expanded our gallery. The place is really amazing. It looks kind of fancy. We have been working at the same pace, well actually added a doc per day, during all the construction. Its a bit insane. I have been running between room to room and ducking dry wall. The patients have been cool with it too. Althought, Ive had some real interesting ones. I had a follow up of a woman with Type II DM (non-insulin) that I had referred out for an Avastin injection due to CSME. She came back, almost completely resolved and back to 20/20-1. I was happy and she was apparently happy. She went on for about 5 minutes about how great she thought I was. I was her favourite doctor, I was so nice, I was so pretty. But I was a little fat. No joke - this woman called me Gorda three times. I sometimes think my spanish speaking patients dont think I know what they are saying. But that rang loud and clear. I am not gonna lie - I was shocked. I mean, I am a little fat. I have been dealing with weight issues my whole life, but Im no where near obese. But thats not the point - who would ever go to her doctor and say hey your great but you should get to a gym. I was offended, but I still made a follow up for her.
After that patient, I ran home packed up my car and headed to the AAO conference. This is a big conference for optometrists that centered around academics. I think this is the most prestigious of all our gatherings, because its based on education, posters, publications.Most people go to learn or better themselves. This year I was really happy to go to see all my friends, but petrified, because I was dumb enough to apply to become a fellow of the academy. It isnt all too arduous, but I had to submit posters an papers and at the conference sit for an oral board exam.
You may recall my many posts about my cactus. It died pre-move and is no longer with me, but that is not my point. A while back, I was at work looking around the docs room and noticing everyone had pictures of their children on their desk. I had nothing but that cactus, and even I thought it would be a little pathetic to put a picture of it on my wall. So I stooped even lower, and cut a picture out of one of our optometry magazines of the only hot guy that presents/publishes a lot. I have joked for about a year about this fake boyfriend. He is very good looking, smart, and well known in the optometry community. I wouldnt mind actually having some of his babies.... ANYWAY, I spent the day on Friday studying for my exam. I was so nervous. I go to the exam area. I wait for my name to be called. I walk down an endless hallway to my exam room. I am sitting in a chair opposite three chairs with two docs sitting down. We are just waiting for the third, one doc says. The door opens and who walks through the door? My fake boyfriend. I just about died. I was so nervous to begin with and now Im thinking he knows Ive had his pic on my desk for a year pretending to not be a complete loser. Worst of all? He is even more handsome in person. AND NICE! Damnit. The exam went horribly in my mind, but I passed and now can add letters at the end of my name. I am excited, it was a lot of work put into it. But I kind of wish I couldnt changed my last name to his altogether HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am such a girl.
Back to work on Monday, back to the chaos... and now that we moved into a bigger office, Ive got to find a new fake boyfriend to put on my desk... who knows, maybe Ill find a real one... but I gotta hit a gym first, since this gorda thing isnt gonna help the process hehe
At work, we are expanding. We bought the otherside of our building, added 4 more lanes, 3 pretest rooms, a contact lens room, and expanded our gallery. The place is really amazing. It looks kind of fancy. We have been working at the same pace, well actually added a doc per day, during all the construction. Its a bit insane. I have been running between room to room and ducking dry wall. The patients have been cool with it too. Althought, Ive had some real interesting ones. I had a follow up of a woman with Type II DM (non-insulin) that I had referred out for an Avastin injection due to CSME. She came back, almost completely resolved and back to 20/20-1. I was happy and she was apparently happy. She went on for about 5 minutes about how great she thought I was. I was her favourite doctor, I was so nice, I was so pretty. But I was a little fat. No joke - this woman called me Gorda three times. I sometimes think my spanish speaking patients dont think I know what they are saying. But that rang loud and clear. I am not gonna lie - I was shocked. I mean, I am a little fat. I have been dealing with weight issues my whole life, but Im no where near obese. But thats not the point - who would ever go to her doctor and say hey your great but you should get to a gym. I was offended, but I still made a follow up for her.
After that patient, I ran home packed up my car and headed to the AAO conference. This is a big conference for optometrists that centered around academics. I think this is the most prestigious of all our gatherings, because its based on education, posters, publications.Most people go to learn or better themselves. This year I was really happy to go to see all my friends, but petrified, because I was dumb enough to apply to become a fellow of the academy. It isnt all too arduous, but I had to submit posters an papers and at the conference sit for an oral board exam.
You may recall my many posts about my cactus. It died pre-move and is no longer with me, but that is not my point. A while back, I was at work looking around the docs room and noticing everyone had pictures of their children on their desk. I had nothing but that cactus, and even I thought it would be a little pathetic to put a picture of it on my wall. So I stooped even lower, and cut a picture out of one of our optometry magazines of the only hot guy that presents/publishes a lot. I have joked for about a year about this fake boyfriend. He is very good looking, smart, and well known in the optometry community. I wouldnt mind actually having some of his babies.... ANYWAY, I spent the day on Friday studying for my exam. I was so nervous. I go to the exam area. I wait for my name to be called. I walk down an endless hallway to my exam room. I am sitting in a chair opposite three chairs with two docs sitting down. We are just waiting for the third, one doc says. The door opens and who walks through the door? My fake boyfriend. I just about died. I was so nervous to begin with and now Im thinking he knows Ive had his pic on my desk for a year pretending to not be a complete loser. Worst of all? He is even more handsome in person. AND NICE! Damnit. The exam went horribly in my mind, but I passed and now can add letters at the end of my name. I am excited, it was a lot of work put into it. But I kind of wish I couldnt changed my last name to his altogether HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am such a girl.
Back to work on Monday, back to the chaos... and now that we moved into a bigger office, Ive got to find a new fake boyfriend to put on my desk... who knows, maybe Ill find a real one... but I gotta hit a gym first, since this gorda thing isnt gonna help the process hehe
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Why him and not her?
Only the good die young.. Was Billy Joel right? I'm not sure... I've been to my fair share of funerals, those of which were friends my age... But that's way to morbid for this blog. I think the point is why do bad things happen to good people.... Or really what I want to know why don't bad things happen to not so good people? Hehe am I horrible? Think back to your exes.. You broke up them for a reason. But why do they always seem to be in the back of your mind?
Today was a rough day at work. I should not have worn heels. I had 48 pts scheduled and most people showed up. I had quite a few whoa is me pts. They seriously tic me off. The are almost always 50+ women who come in groaning and continue to the entire exam like they have a knife in their leg and no one will take it out. And when you check them out there is nothing wrong with them. If anything they have a little dry eye... Get over it and use some warm compresses and artificial tears....
Then the happy go lucky kid come in, only 8 years old. Seems super nice but keep kicking me under the chair. His actions are a little spasmodic so I asked the mom a few questions. It turns out he has generalized dystonia - so his muscles involuntarily move in awkward actions. At one point his head got stuck to the side. His speach was slurred and often had a bit of a stutter. At the end of this exam his mom was trying to get him out the door and he waas pulling back and what he was trying to say was hug. He reached out and gave me a bear hug. Why does someone like that have to have a horrible neurodegenerative disease?
So in Facebook stalking tonight after work, I looked at an old friend pictures and happened across a picture of an ex with the same girl. She has lasted the year where I did not. He wasn't a bad guy, and I liked him a lot . But he didn't like me, and the way he treated me was not very nice.. Yet I seem to keep forgetting that when thinking of and missing him. I guess this isn't a good comparison, because I wouldn't want him to be unhappy... But why couldn't he be single and miserable for a change.. I'm a little tired of taking that role
Today was a rough day at work. I should not have worn heels. I had 48 pts scheduled and most people showed up. I had quite a few whoa is me pts. They seriously tic me off. The are almost always 50+ women who come in groaning and continue to the entire exam like they have a knife in their leg and no one will take it out. And when you check them out there is nothing wrong with them. If anything they have a little dry eye... Get over it and use some warm compresses and artificial tears....
Then the happy go lucky kid come in, only 8 years old. Seems super nice but keep kicking me under the chair. His actions are a little spasmodic so I asked the mom a few questions. It turns out he has generalized dystonia - so his muscles involuntarily move in awkward actions. At one point his head got stuck to the side. His speach was slurred and often had a bit of a stutter. At the end of this exam his mom was trying to get him out the door and he waas pulling back and what he was trying to say was hug. He reached out and gave me a bear hug. Why does someone like that have to have a horrible neurodegenerative disease?
So in Facebook stalking tonight after work, I looked at an old friend pictures and happened across a picture of an ex with the same girl. She has lasted the year where I did not. He wasn't a bad guy, and I liked him a lot . But he didn't like me, and the way he treated me was not very nice.. Yet I seem to keep forgetting that when thinking of and missing him. I guess this isn't a good comparison, because I wouldn't want him to be unhappy... But why couldn't he be single and miserable for a change.. I'm a little tired of taking that role
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Are you an adult or are you a childrens?
So, I just spent a lovely evening with my lady co-workers and their kids. They are two amazing women in their early thirties who co-manage the wife, mother and doctor part of their lives so seemlessly that they make me want to puke as much as I adore them. They are everything I want to be and more. Their kids are adorable and say the funniest things.
I spent the day at work with one of them (who works mornings), it was slow and I only saw about 20 maybe 25 patients all day. Unfortunately 15 of which showed up from 430-5. All in all, not a bad day. I even had quite a few kids since the peds doc was out in Vegas. My last patient, a five year old cutie was a simple exam. One transformer sticker and he was all mine. Cooperation occurs with a two cent piece of sticky picture- I wish I was as enthused about the little things in life. I wrap up the exam and go screaming across town to meet up for dinner.
I get there and unfortunately did not bring anything. My attempt at Pate a Choux in a downpour did not work because of the humidity. I was taken in nonetheless and set about to simultaniously playing cars with two three year olds and a 9 monther and discussing fashion with the sequin studded five year old. The two moms were in the kitchen hammering out dinner and I sat my lazy ass down and played. I felt pretty guilty, but figured I was also watching the kids a bit - that had to count for something...
We have a wonderful dinner, the kids are great.. we are cleaning up after a dessert of berries and cream when the five year old asks "who do you live with?". I reply by myself. "what? by yourself??" Yeah, it doesnt make any sense to a child. I am alone. No husband, no kids of my own... and it reminds me of a story a friend once told. She is 30 and the much younger sibling in a large family. Her brothers all have kids and one asks quite bluntly " Auntie Katie, are you an adult or are you a childrens??" I am not so sure I know myself. Although I am much closer in age to the thirtysomething powerhouse friends, I am probably as responsable as the five year old. Im not sure if its slightly pathetic... but all in all most certainly funny... I had a great night playing, would gladly do it again... but am kinda comforted knowing I get to give the kids back at bedtime and head home to my house alone with peace and quiet... one day... fingers crossed but not to tightly... one day
I spent the day at work with one of them (who works mornings), it was slow and I only saw about 20 maybe 25 patients all day. Unfortunately 15 of which showed up from 430-5. All in all, not a bad day. I even had quite a few kids since the peds doc was out in Vegas. My last patient, a five year old cutie was a simple exam. One transformer sticker and he was all mine. Cooperation occurs with a two cent piece of sticky picture- I wish I was as enthused about the little things in life. I wrap up the exam and go screaming across town to meet up for dinner.
I get there and unfortunately did not bring anything. My attempt at Pate a Choux in a downpour did not work because of the humidity. I was taken in nonetheless and set about to simultaniously playing cars with two three year olds and a 9 monther and discussing fashion with the sequin studded five year old. The two moms were in the kitchen hammering out dinner and I sat my lazy ass down and played. I felt pretty guilty, but figured I was also watching the kids a bit - that had to count for something...
We have a wonderful dinner, the kids are great.. we are cleaning up after a dessert of berries and cream when the five year old asks "who do you live with?". I reply by myself. "what? by yourself??" Yeah, it doesnt make any sense to a child. I am alone. No husband, no kids of my own... and it reminds me of a story a friend once told. She is 30 and the much younger sibling in a large family. Her brothers all have kids and one asks quite bluntly " Auntie Katie, are you an adult or are you a childrens??" I am not so sure I know myself. Although I am much closer in age to the thirtysomething powerhouse friends, I am probably as responsable as the five year old. Im not sure if its slightly pathetic... but all in all most certainly funny... I had a great night playing, would gladly do it again... but am kinda comforted knowing I get to give the kids back at bedtime and head home to my house alone with peace and quiet... one day... fingers crossed but not to tightly... one day
Summer in review
So, it's been a while... Not because nothing has happened, but because so much has been going on I haven't had time to write... But it is rainy, my flats are soaked through and I'm stuck at work anyway...
So, my life seemed to finally be on track this summer... It was the summer of my early twenties that I missed because I was in school dutifully studying to become the amazing optometrist I am today... Haha gross exaggeration, every day I don't get fired is a good day! I went to a psychic around May who was pretty spot on about a lot of things and most importantly told me to enjoy the summer, three to five men would be coming into my life. One of them named Bob.
So the weather got nicer and I ran into more and more people out and about. I become pretty good friends with this one girl, we will call Miranda. She was crazy and fun and through her I met a lot of people. It was nice, I finally felt like I belonged. One night when we were out at a bar a couple of her friends joined us- one had a girlfriend who was amazing and was happy to make their acquaintance. The other was a 6'5" tall drink of water... He was prince charming in every sense. So nice, so respectful, just such nice person. I was in like the moment I met him. He, however waas a few years younger and split his time between Oregon and Spain. He invited us all back to his house after the bar and as we pulled up to it, I got out and almost panicked... It was a a 37 bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean. This really was prince charming... We had a great night and he left after the weekend to be home for the fourth of July. I was thankfully invited to his big party that weekend that s at their othernocean estate... It was fun, but I knew hardly anyone, drank way too much, and barely spoke two words to the prince. I was distraught. Especially as his cousin so uninvitingly put the moves on me. My world was over.
A few weeks went by, I got over it in true mermaid fashion. Hung out with friends, drank too much, played a lot of trivia... Life was good again. Until at an after party after polo I was manhandled by what I thought waas another friend and then kicked out of his house for refusing to sleep with him. Thinking back to the psychic, she did say these guys were going to throw themselves at me... I should've paid more attention. Anyways, that situation got cleared up and the rest of the summer was pretty good...
Until I met Bob. Well, his name wasn't really bob, but it started with a B so I'll assume it is who she was referring to. He was tall and cute but young again and an almost ginger... I'm not sure I have posted on this before, but I have a serious fear of gingers. He was nice and funny and I though nothing of it... He was the cousins friend and fun to hang out with. So we hung out.. I took him to a concert downtown, we had beers, it was fun... We made out a bit, I felt like I was 21 again.... And he went Mia... Then he came back and I suggested drinks, he asked to take me to dinner... We had a good meal and headed to the bar for drinks and darts... I made out with him in the bar, in early twenties fashion. He held my hand and opened the car door... And dropped me off. WTF? I'm reliving my twenties here... He is a lot of fun, but ginger is a make or break, I don't expect this to go very far... But the night ended anyway, so I went to bed alone. He left for a week in NoLa and returned for Irene... He picked me up and we drove around town looking for destruction... Other than a power outage, not much had happened... He chopped down some downed trees and moved them out of the road -very manly for a ginger. I was still intrigued... We went back to my place for drinks and then his room ate got a generator and he left... Again what the heck is going on? I had given up on prince charming, I was just looking for a little fun... And it's nice when you can have fun with someone you actually really like to be around... Maybe I'm a jaded, but I was going for drinks, I'm pretty sure he had the same thing in mind... Then why do nice things? I feel like I speak "guy" as well as I speak Spanish. Which is pretty piss poor at best. Bob has since gone Mia... It's sad, but Im not heartbroken, just bored....
I've moved to the mainland, to the ghettos of the city. I am alone but still working hard... And somewhat hopeful. The psychic said nothing of the fall, so I guess I'm on my own for that one... But I hope it all works out in the end... Maybe I'll meet the real Bob. Maybe I'll learn Spanish... I'll leave this year to be a year of maybes
Keep your fingers crossed for funny patients and even funnier boy stories! This post was lame and for that I apologize
So, my life seemed to finally be on track this summer... It was the summer of my early twenties that I missed because I was in school dutifully studying to become the amazing optometrist I am today... Haha gross exaggeration, every day I don't get fired is a good day! I went to a psychic around May who was pretty spot on about a lot of things and most importantly told me to enjoy the summer, three to five men would be coming into my life. One of them named Bob.
So the weather got nicer and I ran into more and more people out and about. I become pretty good friends with this one girl, we will call Miranda. She was crazy and fun and through her I met a lot of people. It was nice, I finally felt like I belonged. One night when we were out at a bar a couple of her friends joined us- one had a girlfriend who was amazing and was happy to make their acquaintance. The other was a 6'5" tall drink of water... He was prince charming in every sense. So nice, so respectful, just such nice person. I was in like the moment I met him. He, however waas a few years younger and split his time between Oregon and Spain. He invited us all back to his house after the bar and as we pulled up to it, I got out and almost panicked... It was a a 37 bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean. This really was prince charming... We had a great night and he left after the weekend to be home for the fourth of July. I was thankfully invited to his big party that weekend that s at their othernocean estate... It was fun, but I knew hardly anyone, drank way too much, and barely spoke two words to the prince. I was distraught. Especially as his cousin so uninvitingly put the moves on me. My world was over.
A few weeks went by, I got over it in true mermaid fashion. Hung out with friends, drank too much, played a lot of trivia... Life was good again. Until at an after party after polo I was manhandled by what I thought waas another friend and then kicked out of his house for refusing to sleep with him. Thinking back to the psychic, she did say these guys were going to throw themselves at me... I should've paid more attention. Anyways, that situation got cleared up and the rest of the summer was pretty good...
Until I met Bob. Well, his name wasn't really bob, but it started with a B so I'll assume it is who she was referring to. He was tall and cute but young again and an almost ginger... I'm not sure I have posted on this before, but I have a serious fear of gingers. He was nice and funny and I though nothing of it... He was the cousins friend and fun to hang out with. So we hung out.. I took him to a concert downtown, we had beers, it was fun... We made out a bit, I felt like I was 21 again.... And he went Mia... Then he came back and I suggested drinks, he asked to take me to dinner... We had a good meal and headed to the bar for drinks and darts... I made out with him in the bar, in early twenties fashion. He held my hand and opened the car door... And dropped me off. WTF? I'm reliving my twenties here... He is a lot of fun, but ginger is a make or break, I don't expect this to go very far... But the night ended anyway, so I went to bed alone. He left for a week in NoLa and returned for Irene... He picked me up and we drove around town looking for destruction... Other than a power outage, not much had happened... He chopped down some downed trees and moved them out of the road -very manly for a ginger. I was still intrigued... We went back to my place for drinks and then his room ate got a generator and he left... Again what the heck is going on? I had given up on prince charming, I was just looking for a little fun... And it's nice when you can have fun with someone you actually really like to be around... Maybe I'm a jaded, but I was going for drinks, I'm pretty sure he had the same thing in mind... Then why do nice things? I feel like I speak "guy" as well as I speak Spanish. Which is pretty piss poor at best. Bob has since gone Mia... It's sad, but Im not heartbroken, just bored....
I've moved to the mainland, to the ghettos of the city. I am alone but still working hard... And somewhat hopeful. The psychic said nothing of the fall, so I guess I'm on my own for that one... But I hope it all works out in the end... Maybe I'll meet the real Bob. Maybe I'll learn Spanish... I'll leave this year to be a year of maybes
Keep your fingers crossed for funny patients and even funnier boy stories! This post was lame and for that I apologize
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bloody eyes and worthless ears
So I worked both Saturday and Sunday this weekend and let me tell you-it sucks... Plus I'm on a workout kick and walk/ran 8 miles sat and 6miles last night... I'm eating super healthy and sparingly, so now I'm just tired and have no energy. From my last post you realized I was up all night mouse hunting and blogging... So you can imagine my enthusiasm as I drove to work for my 8-8 Monday shift. My first patient came in complaining of a sudden loss of vision in his right eye. We last saw him 2 yrs ago and were treating him for iritis. I figured this was another bout and maybe a posterior vitritis as well. I go to do pupils, notice a small ptosis in that eye and lift the lid for a better look. In my mind I saw "whoaaaa WTF" as I pulled up the lid to see a perfect red circle where I should be seeing cornea and iris underneath. I threw him into the slit lamp and with magnification it appears his postior intraocular lens (then plastic lens after cataract surgery) had ripped through his iris, cutting blood vessels and leaving him with a whopping hyphema. Ive never seen this before. All I could think of is allopraic acid... Which means nothing right now, stay upright and get the heck to the OMD.... I'm sure they can't do too much until the hyphen resolves, but the blood had already started coagulating in the bottom of the anterior chamber, so this has been around a little while....
I move on to my next patient, acute red eye, special needs patient that is HOH (hard of hearing). She is cute and babbling jokes that I cant quite understand. Then she asks if I'm married. Which I say no, have to repeat it really loudly... The questioning continues "do you have someone special at least at home?" Nope, no one likes me, let alone loves me.... And the repeated loudly, then her caretaker repeats even louder... So now everyone in my office and western providence knows I'm all alone...
I've been trying, working like crazy to lose some weight, tone up... I've been on a couple more dates, but the last one the guy didn't even smile once, and vaguely resembled Satan.... Maybe that was the rapture? Hmmm.... Well, it's only 1030 and I've got quite a few more hours to go at work today.... Let's hope it gets a little better :)
I move on to my next patient, acute red eye, special needs patient that is HOH (hard of hearing). She is cute and babbling jokes that I cant quite understand. Then she asks if I'm married. Which I say no, have to repeat it really loudly... The questioning continues "do you have someone special at least at home?" Nope, no one likes me, let alone loves me.... And the repeated loudly, then her caretaker repeats even louder... So now everyone in my office and western providence knows I'm all alone...
I've been trying, working like crazy to lose some weight, tone up... I've been on a couple more dates, but the last one the guy didn't even smile once, and vaguely resembled Satan.... Maybe that was the rapture? Hmmm.... Well, it's only 1030 and I've got quite a few more hours to go at work today.... Let's hope it gets a little better :)
Rolly Polly pudding
Wow it's really been quite some time since I have written... I'm sorry friends!
Well, it's 3 am and I cannot sleep, so its about a good a time as any... I woke up last night to this odd scratching sound, dismissed it and went back to bed... About a half hour ago I woke up to the same sound... Very faint been much like that of a tiny mouse chewing paper. Most girls would scream, jump on a chair and call the guy their with to fix the situation. Well, I'm shit up a creek because I don't even have one that I'm just sleeping with. After living with a guy roomate( my fav of all roomates ever lived with) I'm not really scared of mice. Our apartment was a haven for them. I was totally grossed out at the time and absolutely hated living in squalor, but at least that mouse fear was driven out of me and fast.
One of the reasons I haven't written in a while was that I was in Honduras. It was a wonderful vacation. It was a simple ecolodge on a small island off the coast. I went for the diving, but relaxation was a nice benefit. The owners of the place had built a few small bungalows and outfitted it with this amazing hand carved wooden furniture. The bathroom was a giant walk in shower with a seascape tiled into the walls... Want a beer? Well just grab one from behind the bar.. A cocktail? Well make one yourself and make me one while your at it was their philosophy. By morning I was drinking strong coffee in a hammock outside my door then walking to the beach, hopping on a boat and going diving.. The diving was great and I even got to swim next to a greenback for a while. The afternoon was spent sunbathing and the nights spent having drinks down in West Bay with the locals... No frill, beautiful, my type of vacation. However, with no frills comes the palmetto bugs. Yup, just a euphamism for giant cockroaches, which are totally harmless but gross. Now there wasnt an infestation like an apartment in the Bronx, but we had about 2-3 grace our presence. They make me shiver, but as you've read about past boys in my life, I've always been the one to man up and kill the bugs, so I did... And then I made my friend pick them up with tissue and throw them away hehe... Now Im back in the states and the scratching won't seem to stop...
So, rather than jump and scream, I climbed out of bed, found some specs, grabbed a flashlight and tore apart my closet where the sound was coming from. Nothing. I couldn't find a mouse, a snake, or a possum.... The three things that I thought it might be. I put my flashlight and giant pot away ( I'm not certain I wanted to smash it or catch it) and climbed back into bed... Then the scratching started again... So I got up, seriously pissed off now and went through the entire closet and still nothing. There are no droppings. My kitchens immaculate, there are no signs of anything living here.
The scratching got kinda furious for a while, aas I'm writing and I went over to the corner of my bedroom to discover the sound really sounds like its in my walls... Even better! I'll email my landlord when I'm done with this, but I'm sure he won't do much. I'll stop by home depot after work, pick up some mousetraps and hope not to catch any. Oh quick note on that past roomate... So we were in the kitchen and he steps down near the counter and you hear a squeak. So instead of looking down he steps again and out cries a louder squeak. A mouse was caught in a mouse trap... Not one of those classic wood and wire ones but a sticky pad... And now my roomates foot was stuck to the pad with a mouse stuck on it. Talk about calm... He just picked up his foot and oddly hobbled out the front door and shoved his foot in the snow to get rid of the trap and mouse... I'm surely hoping he threw that sock away... Maybe you had to be there, but it was a very funny sight... And maybe just maybe I jumped up on our couch for that one!
Well, it's 3 am and I cannot sleep, so its about a good a time as any... I woke up last night to this odd scratching sound, dismissed it and went back to bed... About a half hour ago I woke up to the same sound... Very faint been much like that of a tiny mouse chewing paper. Most girls would scream, jump on a chair and call the guy their with to fix the situation. Well, I'm shit up a creek because I don't even have one that I'm just sleeping with. After living with a guy roomate( my fav of all roomates ever lived with) I'm not really scared of mice. Our apartment was a haven for them. I was totally grossed out at the time and absolutely hated living in squalor, but at least that mouse fear was driven out of me and fast.
One of the reasons I haven't written in a while was that I was in Honduras. It was a wonderful vacation. It was a simple ecolodge on a small island off the coast. I went for the diving, but relaxation was a nice benefit. The owners of the place had built a few small bungalows and outfitted it with this amazing hand carved wooden furniture. The bathroom was a giant walk in shower with a seascape tiled into the walls... Want a beer? Well just grab one from behind the bar.. A cocktail? Well make one yourself and make me one while your at it was their philosophy. By morning I was drinking strong coffee in a hammock outside my door then walking to the beach, hopping on a boat and going diving.. The diving was great and I even got to swim next to a greenback for a while. The afternoon was spent sunbathing and the nights spent having drinks down in West Bay with the locals... No frill, beautiful, my type of vacation. However, with no frills comes the palmetto bugs. Yup, just a euphamism for giant cockroaches, which are totally harmless but gross. Now there wasnt an infestation like an apartment in the Bronx, but we had about 2-3 grace our presence. They make me shiver, but as you've read about past boys in my life, I've always been the one to man up and kill the bugs, so I did... And then I made my friend pick them up with tissue and throw them away hehe... Now Im back in the states and the scratching won't seem to stop...
So, rather than jump and scream, I climbed out of bed, found some specs, grabbed a flashlight and tore apart my closet where the sound was coming from. Nothing. I couldn't find a mouse, a snake, or a possum.... The three things that I thought it might be. I put my flashlight and giant pot away ( I'm not certain I wanted to smash it or catch it) and climbed back into bed... Then the scratching started again... So I got up, seriously pissed off now and went through the entire closet and still nothing. There are no droppings. My kitchens immaculate, there are no signs of anything living here.
The scratching got kinda furious for a while, aas I'm writing and I went over to the corner of my bedroom to discover the sound really sounds like its in my walls... Even better! I'll email my landlord when I'm done with this, but I'm sure he won't do much. I'll stop by home depot after work, pick up some mousetraps and hope not to catch any. Oh quick note on that past roomate... So we were in the kitchen and he steps down near the counter and you hear a squeak. So instead of looking down he steps again and out cries a louder squeak. A mouse was caught in a mouse trap... Not one of those classic wood and wire ones but a sticky pad... And now my roomates foot was stuck to the pad with a mouse stuck on it. Talk about calm... He just picked up his foot and oddly hobbled out the front door and shoved his foot in the snow to get rid of the trap and mouse... I'm surely hoping he threw that sock away... Maybe you had to be there, but it was a very funny sight... And maybe just maybe I jumped up on our couch for that one!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sometimes I wonder if this happens to other people....
I woke up too late to make spin class, but happy that I was able to sleep in... I showered, blow dried my hair and actually put on jeans on my day off... I headed to starbucks for a coffee date. I've stooped to online dating again because I am really bored and yes, maybe a little sad and desperate. The guy seemed nice enough. We said hello, grabbed some coffee and chatted for a good two hours. He was nice. He wasn't ugly. He had all his hair. He seemed pretty motivated despite working the night shifts at a local boutique hotel. Then he went into a very open story about his struggle with a neurological disorder. He was really enthusiastic despite what sounded like a few years of a lot of stuggle. I had to give it to him. ( this I know is a 'me' thing: when I hear about disease, I assess the situation for genetic component and whether or not a male is a good mate for the propensity of offspring- I'm pretty sure this is a subconscious thing for most people-I'm a nerd and maybe a bit superficial? I'm already concerned that my kids will get my fat genes... ) Anyway, perfectly pleasant morning, but definitely no sparks. And as we walk out, I notice he is basically dragging a wizzened leg behind him. Now, first I'm like oh whoa, he wasn't joking about this near problem... And next, sadly, I'm like WTF -he had his hair, why is everyone I manage to date have some completely awkward flaw... I immediatly felt horribly guilty and judgmental, and decided to try to look past it...
I run home and brush my teeth for half an hour, floss multiple times, gargle with listerine in prep for my first dentist appt in four years... Yup, I'm one of those asshole patients that make me angry and for this I'm feeling even guiltier and it's only noon...I head to to doctors office, read Real Simple magazine which I love, meet the hygienist who is super nice and we discuss the fact that a girl our age was just murdered down the road from where we both closely live... Very sad, but luckily it was a work dispute and there isn't a serial killer running around. I met the dentist who is young and so nice and it turns out that brushing and flossing work and my teeth are fine! I'm super syked! I head out of the office and check my phone... 1email, a missed call, and a text... From the morning date -ok overkill, but I disregard it...
I run home to grab a few things and head to the store... I go grocery shopping, splurging on a bottle of kombucha for an afternoon snack.... I get home and realize that my car key is sans house keys...I'm locked out... This is another flaw to being single and living alone... There's no one around to back you up... I call my landlord to see if he will stop by after work, it's a nice enough day, I don't mind killing some time outside... He sounds unbelievably reluctant and explains it will take him 2 hours to get there... He suggests I call the real estate agent that might have a spare key... I call her and and leave a message... She calls me right back but is at her second job tending bar... I walk downtown to the bar, wishing I could get a drink, she is amazing and gives me her key... I break into the real-estate office, get our spares, and return her key... I walk home and am finally able to get in....
2 more texts, a BBM invite... Alright, this guy has got to go... At least I'm home... No cavities, dry cleaning dropped off, post office errand run, gimpy stalker, house keys on the floor phew, all is well.... And tomorrow is another day... Let's hope it's a little less interesting
I woke up too late to make spin class, but happy that I was able to sleep in... I showered, blow dried my hair and actually put on jeans on my day off... I headed to starbucks for a coffee date. I've stooped to online dating again because I am really bored and yes, maybe a little sad and desperate. The guy seemed nice enough. We said hello, grabbed some coffee and chatted for a good two hours. He was nice. He wasn't ugly. He had all his hair. He seemed pretty motivated despite working the night shifts at a local boutique hotel. Then he went into a very open story about his struggle with a neurological disorder. He was really enthusiastic despite what sounded like a few years of a lot of stuggle. I had to give it to him. ( this I know is a 'me' thing: when I hear about disease, I assess the situation for genetic component and whether or not a male is a good mate for the propensity of offspring- I'm pretty sure this is a subconscious thing for most people-I'm a nerd and maybe a bit superficial? I'm already concerned that my kids will get my fat genes... ) Anyway, perfectly pleasant morning, but definitely no sparks. And as we walk out, I notice he is basically dragging a wizzened leg behind him. Now, first I'm like oh whoa, he wasn't joking about this near problem... And next, sadly, I'm like WTF -he had his hair, why is everyone I manage to date have some completely awkward flaw... I immediatly felt horribly guilty and judgmental, and decided to try to look past it...
I run home and brush my teeth for half an hour, floss multiple times, gargle with listerine in prep for my first dentist appt in four years... Yup, I'm one of those asshole patients that make me angry and for this I'm feeling even guiltier and it's only noon...I head to to doctors office, read Real Simple magazine which I love, meet the hygienist who is super nice and we discuss the fact that a girl our age was just murdered down the road from where we both closely live... Very sad, but luckily it was a work dispute and there isn't a serial killer running around. I met the dentist who is young and so nice and it turns out that brushing and flossing work and my teeth are fine! I'm super syked! I head out of the office and check my phone... 1email, a missed call, and a text... From the morning date -ok overkill, but I disregard it...
I run home to grab a few things and head to the store... I go grocery shopping, splurging on a bottle of kombucha for an afternoon snack.... I get home and realize that my car key is sans house keys...I'm locked out... This is another flaw to being single and living alone... There's no one around to back you up... I call my landlord to see if he will stop by after work, it's a nice enough day, I don't mind killing some time outside... He sounds unbelievably reluctant and explains it will take him 2 hours to get there... He suggests I call the real estate agent that might have a spare key... I call her and and leave a message... She calls me right back but is at her second job tending bar... I walk downtown to the bar, wishing I could get a drink, she is amazing and gives me her key... I break into the real-estate office, get our spares, and return her key... I walk home and am finally able to get in....
2 more texts, a BBM invite... Alright, this guy has got to go... At least I'm home... No cavities, dry cleaning dropped off, post office errand run, gimpy stalker, house keys on the floor phew, all is well.... And tomorrow is another day... Let's hope it's a little less interesting
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
From this day forward... for better or worse
I remember spending hours applying blue eyeshadow and pink frosted lipgloss in my bathroom mirror. I would try on my grandmothers heels (she has an amazing shoe collection that my feet are unfortunately too big for now) I wanted to look older, couldnt wait till I was an adult.
For what? I remember attending events with my parents thinking about the time when I would get an envelope with my name on it. Ive been to quite a few weddings as an adult at this point. But today, I opened my mail to find an envelope addressed to: Doctor and Guest. That beautliful calligraphry brightly mocking me. And Guest. It might as well have read Failure. I dont have a guest to bring. I am 99%sure I wont have a guest to bring by the time one of my best friends gets married two months from now. Yes, Im having a myocardial infarction.
Yesterday I saw roughly 40 patients in the span of 8 hours. Of those forty, I had one 82 yr old woman with NLP vision in her right eye. Refraction doesnt work, so I dilate to find proliferative diabetic retinopathy and some crazy scarring of her macula plus optic nerve C/D of 0.9. Her left eye, cupped out as well, has no retinopathy. She has no insurance, cant take any pictures, run any tests. Im fairly certain her left carotid artery is stenosed since that retina looks beautiful. Which means she is likely to stroke at some point. I dont even know if I should touch the glaucoma as medications without insurance range from $80-200 for a 5mL bottle that may last a month. My next patient has a unilateral uveitis that he is attributing to a rare blood disorder "with letters and numbers in its name and for black people" A ton of googling later, is probably G6PD Hemolytic Anemia... Then a new patient with -20D in each eye. A 4 yr old with 3 diopters of cyl.... and to top it all off another new patients with FC OD and 20/400 OS vision. He is a poor historian but notes going to a retinologist for "leaking". I dialte and note weird elevated fibrovascular scarring and what appears to be a paramacular CNVM. Im gonna say it most likely posterior polypoidal choroidal vasculopathy, but I cant say for certain without a flourescein angiography...and then I made a woman cry and took away her independance because she didnt meet DMV licensing rules...
I come home from work, tired and agitated because I dont feel like Im being a good enough doctor. I throw on crap sweats, and run it out at the gym. Im the only 20-something person there not in cute gym attire. I turn bright red and sweat a gallon of fluid on the elliptical and all the good looking guys my age try to glance away in horror. I still wont be able to fit in that bridesmaids dress - so whats the point? I shower up and check my email. I then realize my plane tickets dont match up and I most likely will get stuck in Honduras on vacation the week before this wedding. This is the vacation I need to relax and get away from work.
Sigh. Im clean, no makeup for this adult. I wear flats to work everyday (if not my super stylish black clogs)... Why was I in such a hurry?
For what? I remember attending events with my parents thinking about the time when I would get an envelope with my name on it. Ive been to quite a few weddings as an adult at this point. But today, I opened my mail to find an envelope addressed to: Doctor and Guest. That beautliful calligraphry brightly mocking me. And Guest. It might as well have read Failure. I dont have a guest to bring. I am 99%sure I wont have a guest to bring by the time one of my best friends gets married two months from now. Yes, Im having a myocardial infarction.
Yesterday I saw roughly 40 patients in the span of 8 hours. Of those forty, I had one 82 yr old woman with NLP vision in her right eye. Refraction doesnt work, so I dilate to find proliferative diabetic retinopathy and some crazy scarring of her macula plus optic nerve C/D of 0.9. Her left eye, cupped out as well, has no retinopathy. She has no insurance, cant take any pictures, run any tests. Im fairly certain her left carotid artery is stenosed since that retina looks beautiful. Which means she is likely to stroke at some point. I dont even know if I should touch the glaucoma as medications without insurance range from $80-200 for a 5mL bottle that may last a month. My next patient has a unilateral uveitis that he is attributing to a rare blood disorder "with letters and numbers in its name and for black people" A ton of googling later, is probably G6PD Hemolytic Anemia... Then a new patient with -20D in each eye. A 4 yr old with 3 diopters of cyl.... and to top it all off another new patients with FC OD and 20/400 OS vision. He is a poor historian but notes going to a retinologist for "leaking". I dialte and note weird elevated fibrovascular scarring and what appears to be a paramacular CNVM. Im gonna say it most likely posterior polypoidal choroidal vasculopathy, but I cant say for certain without a flourescein angiography...and then I made a woman cry and took away her independance because she didnt meet DMV licensing rules...
I come home from work, tired and agitated because I dont feel like Im being a good enough doctor. I throw on crap sweats, and run it out at the gym. Im the only 20-something person there not in cute gym attire. I turn bright red and sweat a gallon of fluid on the elliptical and all the good looking guys my age try to glance away in horror. I still wont be able to fit in that bridesmaids dress - so whats the point? I shower up and check my email. I then realize my plane tickets dont match up and I most likely will get stuck in Honduras on vacation the week before this wedding. This is the vacation I need to relax and get away from work.
Sigh. Im clean, no makeup for this adult. I wear flats to work everyday (if not my super stylish black clogs)... Why was I in such a hurry?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I may not be the freest sneech upon the beach and I certainly do not like green eggs or ham...but oh, the places I'll go.
As you may have realized, I've been working an exceptional amount these past few months, which leads to very little time to play, and thus making me very cranky. When don't get out, I'm left to entertain myself, and let's just say- what goes on in my mind should be regulated. When'll lonely, I only recall reasons why I am so alone... It's an endless cycle. Vie been particularly mopey lately. Yesterday, I was driving home from work and could not get an ex out of my head. The day had been busy and I was stressed as it was, and then oneof the opticians remarked that she was going to the keys withnherh husband. I told her some places I rally loved, as I spent a lot of time in Florida last year. She asked me to write everything down. I couldn't remember the hotels I stayed at, so I went into my email account to look back at old intinerarys. U fortunately, because I went with an ex, I had to look through all those old emails. They made me smile - he was very funny, and we used to email back and forth multiple times a day. It's how I kept my sanity through residency. And then it hit me, I hadn't been on a real vacation in over a year. And there is rarely a blinking light to announce an email on my blackberry. I used to live for that light. Now, it's only emails from crate&barrel or Victoria secret. I don't ever shop at Victoria secret, but if I unsubscribe from their email list, I won't get any emails and life will really be over. I drove home, with a long sigh, feeling pretty in the dumps.
This morning was busy at work as always. I pick up the chart and head into a room to see an adorable 5 yr old girl. Off the bat you can see a bright red eye. Her mom notes she woke up that way. Positive discharge, redness, irritation...negative pain or itch. I take s look and pretty sure it's just bacterial. Other eye is white and quiet. I prescribe a drop and will see her back in three to five days. As I finish up with the plan the girl turns to me and begs " can I just go to school today? Just for like ten minutes?!" I turn to the mom and explain it is contagious and so she could spread it to the other children. At this point the girl is almost in hysterics. " but please! Do you know it's the Cat in the Hats birthday?!" apparently her class was having a party and reading what must be her favorite book. She looked at me with those (one red) puppy dog eyes pleading. I totally caved. For her this was the lowest of the low. If she didn't get to go to school, her world would end. How am I to deny a child learning? Hehe after all, getting children to like school is usually a battle. She had barbie doll blue tinted play glasses, which I told her to wear. That way she looked like a movie star ( and wouldn't touch her eyes). She had to wash her hands and promise to keep them to herself and only go for the party.
So I avoided one life shattering fiasco today... It was a cute situation and well played argument. After all, the Cat in the Hat only has his birthday on March second of every year. And Ironically, made me realize life could be worse. Maybe one day I'll get into a Dr Suess bash or find a new boyfriend. Until then, I'll put some sunglasses on to look like a movie star Nd hope for the best! And I certainly need to plan a vacation soon!
This morning was busy at work as always. I pick up the chart and head into a room to see an adorable 5 yr old girl. Off the bat you can see a bright red eye. Her mom notes she woke up that way. Positive discharge, redness, irritation...negative pain or itch. I take s look and pretty sure it's just bacterial. Other eye is white and quiet. I prescribe a drop and will see her back in three to five days. As I finish up with the plan the girl turns to me and begs " can I just go to school today? Just for like ten minutes?!" I turn to the mom and explain it is contagious and so she could spread it to the other children. At this point the girl is almost in hysterics. " but please! Do you know it's the Cat in the Hats birthday?!" apparently her class was having a party and reading what must be her favorite book. She looked at me with those (one red) puppy dog eyes pleading. I totally caved. For her this was the lowest of the low. If she didn't get to go to school, her world would end. How am I to deny a child learning? Hehe after all, getting children to like school is usually a battle. She had barbie doll blue tinted play glasses, which I told her to wear. That way she looked like a movie star ( and wouldn't touch her eyes). She had to wash her hands and promise to keep them to herself and only go for the party.
So I avoided one life shattering fiasco today... It was a cute situation and well played argument. After all, the Cat in the Hat only has his birthday on March second of every year. And Ironically, made me realize life could be worse. Maybe one day I'll get into a Dr Suess bash or find a new boyfriend. Until then, I'll put some sunglasses on to look like a movie star Nd hope for the best! And I certainly need to plan a vacation soon!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Keep calm and carry on
R-E-S-P-E-C-T..... Well, miss Aretha, I am not sure what it means to me, as I feel I get very little of it at work. It's been a few months now of me working six days a week. It's getting very tiring. Yesterday, I was actually on my own. Luckily I only saw about 20 patients, which is extremely slow at work. I was a the only doc on and started my day with a 5 yr old boy. I did retinoscopy and found -4.00-3.00x090 roughly in both eyes... I couldn't get him better than 20/40- in each eye, but prescribed a partial rx and will see him in 3-4 months... The exam, although I do not like working with children, went fairly well on the child part... However, the entire exam the mom kept calling me hunny and sweety. When I walked into the room, in business attire, white coat, with Dr. clearly embroidered on it, she turned to her son and said " oh yeah! Look you got a girl, or a pretty girl to look at your eyes" .... I swallowed my pride and said nothing, but the 5 years of intensive study, in which I learned how to not let your son grow up blind, simply went down the drain. That wasn't the worst of it though. I work in a very fast paced office, I see a lot of patients, and the only way to do so is to have a good staff. We call them "acuity girls". They call themselves "cutie girls". But whatever. So normal I have one and then there are one ro two backups to help my girlnout. Yesterday, I was the only doctor on. That meant there were 5 acuity girls at my disposal. My fav girl doesn't work Tuesday's, but I thought I would make due. So when need them, I just page them to a room.... And for some reason it took them ten minutes to come in, if they came at all... There were few patients to see, they don't have much busy work to do... So what was the problem? They don't respect me. I'm not a boss, I don't have the authority, nor would I, yell at them... But I was thoroughly annoyed. Part of it is laziness on their part... For a group of young ladies that complain about money and lack of welfare, they could seriously do a lot better if they actually just did anything.
Anyways, after brewing about this yesterday, I went home, got some work done, slept well and woke up this morning. I don't go in to work until ten, so I got ready, made a giant cup of coffee and watched the today show. I grabbed my phone to put in my purse and noticed a bbm ' how do you do it?' it said... I replied with what? And saw in reply, 'how are you good just being on your own. You seem so happy and not to care' Clearly, this friend does not read this blog haha... I didn't know if I should be offended by this statement or not. I mean, I really am perfectly fine on my own. I can do anything I want to do, I've never needed a man, but tht doesn't mean I like being alone. she is moving away from a boy she really likes, and is sad about it and that's understandable. Life is hard enough without those little wrenches in perfectly good relationships. I went away for a ski weekend with friends recently (yup finally took a vacation day - second in 8 months! ) anyways, everyone was married, engaged or in a serious relatnship. One friend had a serious boyfriend that just got promoted at work and thus moved to Arizona. Now that's a serious wrench. They've been visiting each other the past few months, but in the end she will probably have to move out there to be with him. Even if it seems to be like a whole tool box of issues, shell get through it... As I guess we all have to. So, not really sure how to respond.... I think in life, things just don't seem to work out the way you expect, or really the way you think you deserve for them to be... So, it's on you to try your best, and if it doesn't work? Respect yourself enough to try again....
Hopped in the mini and headed to work, fingers crossed today that someone will actually respond to a call... But if they don't, I'll just explain to the patient in the best Spanish I can, clean my own instruments, and put the patients in the room myself....
Anyways, after brewing about this yesterday, I went home, got some work done, slept well and woke up this morning. I don't go in to work until ten, so I got ready, made a giant cup of coffee and watched the today show. I grabbed my phone to put in my purse and noticed a bbm ' how do you do it?' it said... I replied with what? And saw in reply, 'how are you good just being on your own. You seem so happy and not to care' Clearly, this friend does not read this blog haha... I didn't know if I should be offended by this statement or not. I mean, I really am perfectly fine on my own. I can do anything I want to do, I've never needed a man, but tht doesn't mean I like being alone. she is moving away from a boy she really likes, and is sad about it and that's understandable. Life is hard enough without those little wrenches in perfectly good relationships. I went away for a ski weekend with friends recently (yup finally took a vacation day - second in 8 months! ) anyways, everyone was married, engaged or in a serious relatnship. One friend had a serious boyfriend that just got promoted at work and thus moved to Arizona. Now that's a serious wrench. They've been visiting each other the past few months, but in the end she will probably have to move out there to be with him. Even if it seems to be like a whole tool box of issues, shell get through it... As I guess we all have to. So, not really sure how to respond.... I think in life, things just don't seem to work out the way you expect, or really the way you think you deserve for them to be... So, it's on you to try your best, and if it doesn't work? Respect yourself enough to try again....
Hopped in the mini and headed to work, fingers crossed today that someone will actually respond to a call... But if they don't, I'll just explain to the patient in the best Spanish I can, clean my own instruments, and put the patients in the room myself....
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Red eyes for valentines
The time has come the walrus said, to talk of many things... Of shoes and ships and sealing wax... Of cabbages and kings... Of why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.... Growing up, I always wondered what ceiling wax was, picturing waxy balls filling in the cracks on the roof over my head... Anyway... I've been thinking, the time has come... The lovely month of February.
The halls are decked in reds and pinks and hearts and stars... Every email I get from open table to pro flowers to groupon has something to do with the dreaded valentines day. I'm reminded every day that I'm single and alone... I do not need one built up hallmark holiday to make it sink in any worse.
I've been filling my time with writing a case study on epidemic Keratoconjunctivitis. It's apparently really the time of year for reds and pinks, as every walk in eye is glazed over in some shade made for the holiday season. Three patients alone, this morning have come and gone... Rooms disinfected, and my hands washed close to a million times to make the. Match that red raw hue... Ironically, you could sayv EKC is the eye disease of love... It's passed so easily from eye to eye, from a hug, to a make out session... Families and loved ones pass it to each other as recklessly as a valentines day card.
Oh,Valentine's Day..I think back to last year... I woke up early in Key Largo, ran out to get coffee and muffins and came back to the hotel to find a Teddy bear in red scuba gear and a box of chocolates... I had no idea what to do... I wanted to eat the entire box that moment to dispose of the evidence... It was my first actual valentines day present and it completely freaked me out. We had breakfast, went scuba diving that morning, relaxed with a few beers on the porch that afternoon and went to a fancy restaurant for dinner... It was a perfect day,
well a perfect weekend... And I'm afraid it was my last hahaha
So, ive been writing a lot of prescriptions for Pred Forte with antibiotic ointment coverage... Fingers crossed I don't get the infection myself... But I might as well write a prescription for myself this season ' Happiness without worry 100% sig i/i QAM-QHS Every day'
Happy Valentines Day to my readers who are luckily all in relationships and without eye infections!<3
The halls are decked in reds and pinks and hearts and stars... Every email I get from open table to pro flowers to groupon has something to do with the dreaded valentines day. I'm reminded every day that I'm single and alone... I do not need one built up hallmark holiday to make it sink in any worse.
I've been filling my time with writing a case study on epidemic Keratoconjunctivitis. It's apparently really the time of year for reds and pinks, as every walk in eye is glazed over in some shade made for the holiday season. Three patients alone, this morning have come and gone... Rooms disinfected, and my hands washed close to a million times to make the. Match that red raw hue... Ironically, you could sayv EKC is the eye disease of love... It's passed so easily from eye to eye, from a hug, to a make out session... Families and loved ones pass it to each other as recklessly as a valentines day card.
Oh,Valentine's Day..I think back to last year... I woke up early in Key Largo, ran out to get coffee and muffins and came back to the hotel to find a Teddy bear in red scuba gear and a box of chocolates... I had no idea what to do... I wanted to eat the entire box that moment to dispose of the evidence... It was my first actual valentines day present and it completely freaked me out. We had breakfast, went scuba diving that morning, relaxed with a few beers on the porch that afternoon and went to a fancy restaurant for dinner... It was a perfect day,
well a perfect weekend... And I'm afraid it was my last hahaha
So, ive been writing a lot of prescriptions for Pred Forte with antibiotic ointment coverage... Fingers crossed I don't get the infection myself... But I might as well write a prescription for myself this season ' Happiness without worry 100% sig i/i QAM-QHS Every day'
Happy Valentines Day to my readers who are luckily all in relationships and without eye infections!<3
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Is there a craigslisting for a boyfriend with a shovel?
Its official, I am done with all this snow. I've always been a lover of the four seasons. I have never been one to want to snow bird to the south for the winter months. But this year, I have just about had it. There is so much snow to shovel, and no one knows how to drive in it and I really have just gotten to my breaking point. We had snow the last two weeks. This week it started Sunday into Monday and I was late to work. Tuesday it snowed all morning. Wednesday it snowed all afternoon. And Wednesday night into Thursday we got another six inches. This morning I got up at 530 to dig myself out. I went back in an hour later to take a shower and get ready. I got a call at seven that the clinic would be opening at ten instead. I made a cup of coffee and went back out at quarter to eight to dig again. By 845 I had dug and tried to move my car approximately a billion times. It would just slide slightly, spin it's wheels and mock me. I dug and chipped away at the heavy,ice laden snow and nothing. Of course it was the one time my neighbor wasn't home and I had no ability to beg for some kitty litter. I had already gone through all the profanity I knew and at this point came the tears. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I was going to be late to work again and I had no one to help me. All I needed was a push. And at that moment I realized how great a boyfriend would have been in this situation.
After a fifteen more minutes, dripping with sweat and my fingers about to fall off, I got out and headed to work. In the seven hours at clinic, I saw ten patients. And lost a lot of patience along the way. I'll make my trek home and fingers crossed my parking spot is still there or there will be hell to pay. I'm looking forward to moving into the city next fall. At that point I will really need to have a boyfriend, or at least a garage!
After a fifteen more minutes, dripping with sweat and my fingers about to fall off, I got out and headed to work. In the seven hours at clinic, I saw ten patients. And lost a lot of patience along the way. I'll make my trek home and fingers crossed my parking spot is still there or there will be hell to pay. I'm looking forward to moving into the city next fall. At that point I will really need to have a boyfriend, or at least a garage!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
New but not scary
I'd like to say I'm a shy person. However, my friend Amanda once pointed out in laughter, that it was a pretty poor adjective to describe myself, as I would easily talk to anyone. I guess I'm not shy, but just because I cooly, calmly strike up a conversation with a new person, doesn't mean I'm not frantically trying to listen to what they say and think of the next thing to say. Sometimes I'm on, and sometimes I'm very very off. It's the inconsistency that has me normally nervous in new situations.
A patient came in the other day and noted blurred vision. When i was checking his prescription all of a sudden he say a, from behind the phoropter, ooh there is goes again, not I see double. That word brings panic worse than if you told me id need to put on spandex and be caged in with wrestling alligators... Not that anyone has ever threatened me with such a thing... Anyway, diplopia or double vision makes my stomach churn. I pull the phoroptor away and do a quick cover test, i get a rather large exophoria ( meaning his eyes are turned out a little more than average, but nothing too crazy) I check parks three step looking for a paralyzed ocular muscle. I got nothing. I put him back in the phoropter and check the ranges he can move his eyes in and out and all comes back normal. Ugh, my brain is moving a mile a minute and I've cast my reel into those great depths of knowledge, but really I'm just fishing for anything. Its probably a decompensating photos. He notes this don't happen all the time, but when he is driving long periods of time or reading for hours. Great. You know what worse than double vision? Intermittent diplopia.
So I leave work that Saturday, stomach churning, but I've forgotten about the double vision at this point, I'm making my way through the city to a tiny sushi place for a date. Ugh, first encounters make me so nervous. I like knowing what I'm getting into. I'm constantly afraid that the conversation will come to a standstill. Long pauses are the real world Diplopia's. I show up first, take a seat and hope for the best, scrolling through the NY times on my blackberry in wait. He shows up and a kiss on the cheek,half hug heists down. We order too much sushi, for which i later feel really bad, since I don't think he really likes it very much. But despite my nerves, things go well, and two hours later i realize its been perfectly fine maintaining conversation. Maybe I'm really not shy.
I hop in my car and head to a friends for the rest of the day, since we have an engagement party of friends to go to that night. I won't really know anyone there either, so I'll have to put my game face back on in a couple hours, but I think i've gained the confidence that i will make it. As far as my patient is concerned, I cant fix occasional double vision it with prisms and glasses because the times he is normal everything would be double in the other direction. I'm bringing him back for a more extensive binocular workup. As far as the date? Well, I guess I'd go out with him again too...
A patient came in the other day and noted blurred vision. When i was checking his prescription all of a sudden he say a, from behind the phoropter, ooh there is goes again, not I see double. That word brings panic worse than if you told me id need to put on spandex and be caged in with wrestling alligators... Not that anyone has ever threatened me with such a thing... Anyway, diplopia or double vision makes my stomach churn. I pull the phoroptor away and do a quick cover test, i get a rather large exophoria ( meaning his eyes are turned out a little more than average, but nothing too crazy) I check parks three step looking for a paralyzed ocular muscle. I got nothing. I put him back in the phoropter and check the ranges he can move his eyes in and out and all comes back normal. Ugh, my brain is moving a mile a minute and I've cast my reel into those great depths of knowledge, but really I'm just fishing for anything. Its probably a decompensating photos. He notes this don't happen all the time, but when he is driving long periods of time or reading for hours. Great. You know what worse than double vision? Intermittent diplopia.
So I leave work that Saturday, stomach churning, but I've forgotten about the double vision at this point, I'm making my way through the city to a tiny sushi place for a date. Ugh, first encounters make me so nervous. I like knowing what I'm getting into. I'm constantly afraid that the conversation will come to a standstill. Long pauses are the real world Diplopia's. I show up first, take a seat and hope for the best, scrolling through the NY times on my blackberry in wait. He shows up and a kiss on the cheek,half hug heists down. We order too much sushi, for which i later feel really bad, since I don't think he really likes it very much. But despite my nerves, things go well, and two hours later i realize its been perfectly fine maintaining conversation. Maybe I'm really not shy.
I hop in my car and head to a friends for the rest of the day, since we have an engagement party of friends to go to that night. I won't really know anyone there either, so I'll have to put my game face back on in a couple hours, but I think i've gained the confidence that i will make it. As far as my patient is concerned, I cant fix occasional double vision it with prisms and glasses because the times he is normal everything would be double in the other direction. I'm bringing him back for a more extensive binocular workup. As far as the date? Well, I guess I'd go out with him again too...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
White Blood Cells/ White knights
So, you wouldn't put chapstick on your lips from a tube given to you by your mother-in-law would you? I dont think chapstick, or really any personal makeup/medications should be shared. That includes eyedrops.
I think I have written about this before... but EKC - epidemic keratoconjunctivitis is really an epidemic. It is killing me! Literally, my hands are raw from washing non-stop. I have had so many patients come in with it. The worst part, most of them have gone untreated, or wrongly treated for weeks. Many people with red eyes simply go to their PCP or ER. Well, its not that MDs cant diagnose different conjunctivitises, but they dont have the tools to. So, everyone goes home with erythromycin ointment or polytrim drops and end up spreading this eye disease to their entire family.
I woke up this morning, eyes white and quiet. I think Im most afraid of getting EKC myself... A big snow storm was due to hit New England and I was kind of hoping not to go to work. I got up at 730 since I had to be at work by 10. I went outside and there was only around 5 inches on the ground and my street was plowed, so I cleaned off my car, shovelled the porch and driveway and went inside for some hot coffee. I turned on the news and saw that where I worked was covered in a foot of snow and realized, if I made it off the island, I probably wouldnt make it back. I love the snow, but more so if I can be skiing. Stuck inside kind of stinks. So, I turned on my computer and parused facebook. And after all this time there it was. The ex and his new gf in photos of them on a ski slope. Its not that I suddenly wished to be that girl in the photo, but I was jealous of the happiness on their faces. The move here was exciting, but its still been so hard. Im not happy. It hit me harder than I had thought, but my eyes got red and watery pretty fast.
EKC is a virus. Like a common cold, it cannot be treated with antibiotics. Your immune system will eventually rid the virus, but here in lies the problem. Your white blood cells are like the white knights of the immune system. If a bug invades, they go nuts swords blasing. So, your cornea, or the clear part of the front of your eye. When it is infected with this super strong virus, the WBCs come in to fight it. They are white, literally, and form little spots called subepithelial infiltrates. So now your clear cornea is like a white spotted dalmation. Imagine how great it is to see through it. Yep - not good. Now these can go away, but sometimes they dont.
The reason I am so upset about this, is I keep getting patients who had really bad eye infections, werent treated correctly, and now Im the asshole telling them they prob wont see 20/20 again. A large part of treatment is actually giving them steroids. Steroids stop your immune system. It seems counter-intuitive, but you are trying to prevent them from going to crazy. Trying to prevent the SEIs to a degree, or hoping they break up and go away. So, the best recent patient came in and it was just her and her son. Instead of going to the doc, her mother-in-law gave her some drops she got in PR. So she and her family have been using them and just spreading the virus back and forth.
So my eyes welled up a little bit. But there were no white knights coming to my rescue. I dont think I'd want to use a drop to stop them from coming to my aid, but if loneliness was a virus, Id certainly appreciate a cure. After treating my patient and her son, I made her go make appts for her entire family to come in. Lets hope we can get their vision back! For all of us, the best treatment is time... and hope for the best outcome!
I think I have written about this before... but EKC - epidemic keratoconjunctivitis is really an epidemic. It is killing me! Literally, my hands are raw from washing non-stop. I have had so many patients come in with it. The worst part, most of them have gone untreated, or wrongly treated for weeks. Many people with red eyes simply go to their PCP or ER. Well, its not that MDs cant diagnose different conjunctivitises, but they dont have the tools to. So, everyone goes home with erythromycin ointment or polytrim drops and end up spreading this eye disease to their entire family.
I woke up this morning, eyes white and quiet. I think Im most afraid of getting EKC myself... A big snow storm was due to hit New England and I was kind of hoping not to go to work. I got up at 730 since I had to be at work by 10. I went outside and there was only around 5 inches on the ground and my street was plowed, so I cleaned off my car, shovelled the porch and driveway and went inside for some hot coffee. I turned on the news and saw that where I worked was covered in a foot of snow and realized, if I made it off the island, I probably wouldnt make it back. I love the snow, but more so if I can be skiing. Stuck inside kind of stinks. So, I turned on my computer and parused facebook. And after all this time there it was. The ex and his new gf in photos of them on a ski slope. Its not that I suddenly wished to be that girl in the photo, but I was jealous of the happiness on their faces. The move here was exciting, but its still been so hard. Im not happy. It hit me harder than I had thought, but my eyes got red and watery pretty fast.
EKC is a virus. Like a common cold, it cannot be treated with antibiotics. Your immune system will eventually rid the virus, but here in lies the problem. Your white blood cells are like the white knights of the immune system. If a bug invades, they go nuts swords blasing. So, your cornea, or the clear part of the front of your eye. When it is infected with this super strong virus, the WBCs come in to fight it. They are white, literally, and form little spots called subepithelial infiltrates. So now your clear cornea is like a white spotted dalmation. Imagine how great it is to see through it. Yep - not good. Now these can go away, but sometimes they dont.
The reason I am so upset about this, is I keep getting patients who had really bad eye infections, werent treated correctly, and now Im the asshole telling them they prob wont see 20/20 again. A large part of treatment is actually giving them steroids. Steroids stop your immune system. It seems counter-intuitive, but you are trying to prevent them from going to crazy. Trying to prevent the SEIs to a degree, or hoping they break up and go away. So, the best recent patient came in and it was just her and her son. Instead of going to the doc, her mother-in-law gave her some drops she got in PR. So she and her family have been using them and just spreading the virus back and forth.
So my eyes welled up a little bit. But there were no white knights coming to my rescue. I dont think I'd want to use a drop to stop them from coming to my aid, but if loneliness was a virus, Id certainly appreciate a cure. After treating my patient and her son, I made her go make appts for her entire family to come in. Lets hope we can get their vision back! For all of us, the best treatment is time... and hope for the best outcome!
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