Big girl panties are getting a little tight.

Being an adult is exhausting. I am so tired, yet I can hardly sleep. I think thats a sign of aging too. I think back to growing up and Ive been pretty fortunate to have a wonderful family. Ive always had plenty of friends to help me out along the way.

That being said, I've been on my own for about 10 years. I left for college and only came home last year and now Im on my own again. I put on my big girl pants a long time ago but I never really realized how hard it is to be an adult on your own.

I was stressed out beyond belief trying to move here, went to the DMV about 20 times pulling my hair out every step. Yesterday I drove back to RI from NJ in the midst of a blizzard. The weather channel kept showing pictures of the storm and giving timelines. They said it wouldn't snow in the northeast until the afternoon. Little did I know it had started in the morning. Four and a half hours of near tears and white knuckled death grip to my steering wheel, I made it home. I was pissed the entire way. It was ridiculous that I went out in that kind of weather. I was afraid I was going to die most of the trip. And all for what? to get back in time for work?

I went in today and stayed until 645 and only saw 10 patients. But honestly? Was it really that imperative to get your glasses today? There are eye emergencies like retinal detachments, impailments, bleach in the eye... but how often does that happen? I drove home in the freezing cold, after a bullshit day, for pretty much no reason. I dont even make that much money.

As I went over the Newport bridge hoping not to blow over into the ocean, and thinking I am so exhausted being an adult. Its not the adult part though that is hard. Its the being an adult alone. Its not that I want a boyfriend so I have someone to spend time with. Its just nice to have someone to like and or eventually love. That emotion can lay stagnant for a while and it festers and rots. I have no one to think about during the day. And more importantly I have no one to bitch to about being an adult. Ive got no one to commiserate with. I have no one to tell me how their day was.

Its just hard. Going through the adult motions without anyone to talk to.